Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
4 words: hood of his car
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
