he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How does it feel to date your dad?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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