it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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