well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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