Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
