u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
