If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize