dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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