Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
