Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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