My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
