Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
