apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize