im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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