I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
