Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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