Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
