i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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