i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
