I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
