I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
