He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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