look no pants
time to smoke my breakfast
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
