Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
