She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
