I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
