Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
