I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
