That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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