this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
