why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just invented taco cereal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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