my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
