What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
