My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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