Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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