i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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