I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
