I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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