Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
