My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
