I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
