Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize