There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
