i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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