She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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