I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize