Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
