girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize