They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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