Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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