I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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