If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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