3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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