I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
