You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
