I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
