Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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