I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize