they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
