Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
