I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
